Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
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