she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
