I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The uberlube is also flammable
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
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