Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I want to be your penis for a week.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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