So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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