bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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