last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
