Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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