It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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