If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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