I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
