I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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