What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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