When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
ttyl tear gas
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
