Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize