If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
