someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
