I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
