I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
