The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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