You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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