Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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