Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
