oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Just cropdusted the office
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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