you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
