I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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