i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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