She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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