I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
There r osticjed everywhere
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
