Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize
