We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize