No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
