Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
