Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
