the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
