Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We have so much sex to catch up on
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
