It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
