Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
