her vagine was all disorganized.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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