Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
