the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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