she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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