you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
