K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
