It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
