wat bout pragnant strippers??
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
