i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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