life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
