So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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