you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
