Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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