Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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