I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
