So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So squirting runs in the family.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
