Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
