who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
