I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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