I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize