Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
