I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
