before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize