I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
