She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize