Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
