Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize