I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
