Who wears a wallet chain?!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
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