New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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