Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Randomize
