Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
