As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
