I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
