Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
