All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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